Rocking with the Rainbow G

FIVE THINGS YOU CANNOT DO WITH THE RAINBOW-G

1. You can't make it cum

2. You can't make it talk to you afterwards (what's new there?)

3. You can't drive it absofuckinglutely nuts by giving it head with a mouthful of Pop Rocks

4. You can't just lie back and pretend to be sleeping

5. You can't withhold sex until it does the dishes

FIVE THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH THE RAINBOW-G

1. You can leave it out and tell people it's a really cool piece of novelty Venetian glass blowing... "omg you're right, it does look a bit like a cock."

2. You can prop it between two cushions and... (takes a little practise, but it's heavier than the average dildo, so it does work)

3. You can make sure that every ridge, contour and indent does exactly what it ought to

4. You can never wear it out

5. You can throw out all your old plastic, rubber and fake-glass sex toys

ONE THING YOU WILL WANT TO DO WITH THE RAINBOW-G

1. Switch off the computer, mute the phone and devote the rest of the day to your new 7.25-inch friend