Well, you didn't think guys went there to wash, did you?

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Vintage Clap Poster of the Week

Black Friday Balling

TOP FLOOR… GARDEN FURNISHINGS, SPORTING EQUIPMENT
I saw her when I stepped out through the elevator doors
She stood there looking radiant, just like Drew Barrymore
Really hot and sexy in a downhome sort of way
The girl next door you wish would come for something more than play
I couldn’t help my staring as she glided down the aisle
I wondered what it might take to turn on her brightest smile
I wondered what she looks like when she’s really having fun?
I wondered what she looks like when she’s about to come

FOURTH FLOOR – KITCHEN WARE, BATHROOM ACCESSORIES
I saw her look at toasters, and idly scan the pots
I paused to take my jacket off, I’ve never felt so hot
I felt confused; I didn’t ever act like this round chicks
I tried it out at college, but I’ve always preferred pricks
But I felt my puss get moister every time she looked my way
My panties growing damper as I wondered what I’d say
I wondered if she’d ever guess she was having this effect?
I wondered what she tasted like when she was soaking wet?

THIRD FLOOR – BEDDING AND BEDROOM FURNITURE
I saw her look at mattresses; I felt like I should shout
“Hey wait for me!”; the two of us could give it some work out!
The lighting in this display room illuminates her splendor
Her backlit dress was transluscent, her legs looked long and slender
I wondered what they’d feel like, pressed against my crack
I wondered what they’d feel like, wrapped around my back
I wondered what they’d taste like as I licked up from her feet
I longed to feel her silky thighs pressed against my cheeks

SECOND FLOOR – LADIES KNITWEAR AND FASHION
I saw her as the escalator swept me to the bottom
She was standing by a looking glass, trying a hot top on
I wanted to rush over, “you look so great in it!”
I watched her as she straightened it; my God, she has great tits
I wondered what they’d feel like cradled in my palms
Her nipples firm against my flesh, as she writhed in my arms
I’d shower her with kisses as she whispered “now you’re mine”
And pushed her crotch against me and began to slowly grind

FIRST FLOOR – PERFUMERY AND ACCESSORIES
I saw her in the purses aisle, where there isn’t that much room
I felt my legs grow weaker as I breathed in her perfume
I could barely speak; “excuse me,” I whispered as I passed
My heart was pounding loudly as my hand brushed her firm ass
I didn’t think she’d notice as I paused and briefly lingered
Let my pores breathe in her beauty through my gently questing fingers
Then she turned around to look at me as she felt me touch her coat
She turned around and smiled at me as they softly, softly stroked

BASEMENT LEVEL – LADIES LINGERIE
I saw her in the changing room with a pile of bras and panties
She beckoned me, said “do you think that this pair are too scanty?”
I went to speak and then she lunged, a hard kiss on the lips
Pulled me inside the changing room, her hands tight on my hips
Her tongue devoured my mouth, while her hand explored my breasts
Then she dropped down to her knees and she sucked out all my breath
My panties down in one swift move, her tongue upon my clit
I couldn’t last! I came so fast! And she lapped up all of it

I’m on my back, I lick her crack – oh God, I see a camera!
She laughed “it’s just security, watching while I bang ya
“It’s the day after Thanksgiving, let’s give the boys a treat”
I smiled and waved up at the lens, then began to gently eat
This goddess of the shopping mall, this Queen of Sears and Penny’s
This screaming, squirting Princess who’s now gasping my name! “Jenny!”
Her cries subside, she kisses me, then smiles and softly says
“I love the sales, let’s meet next year? Same time and same place”

This Black Friday all I want is...

BEDTIME!

and let us all give thanks for....

For the little pleasures.........

for anticipation....

for sensations

and for temptations.....

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Vintage Clap Poster of the Week

Heads up on Going Down

It's not published for another six months, but I have a new story, "Do You Speak French?", by Chrissie Bentley, appearing in Rachel Kramer Bussel's latest anthology, Going Down... so here's a head's up and a chance to place an advance order at Amazon.

Publication Date: May 15, 2012
When you look back on the best sex you ever had, oral sex will be a part of the picture. Rachel Kramer Bussell, editor of the award-winning oral sex collections Tasting Him and Tasting Her is back with more lip-smackingly superb oral sex erotica for ALL with Going Down. The primal sense of taking in the essence, taste, smell and sexy up-closeness of a lover is a powerful aphrodisiac that affects one physically, mentally and emotionally. Once you have your lover in your mouth, the heat of desire, passion, and lust focus before your eyes and tie your arousal directly to them. These fictive fellatio stories, sizzling sixty-ninings, and talented tonguings will give readers lots of new ideas to try at home. In , lovers both give, receive and explore the many ways oral sex can be an act of love, tenderness, devotion or pure sexual act that lets readers revel in the emotion and sensuality of it all. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy this sexy read of explicit stories to get you hot and bothered with more than a mouthful. Giving head never read so good until now!

Advance orders here

Vintage Clap Poster of the Week

Overheard...

Overheard by a friend in the supermarket check-out, where the prices are high and the girls are... uninformed?

"There's no way that a fifteen year-old boy could make sperm that could get a girl pregnant."

This has now become my second All-Time Favorite contraceptive misconception, but of course it still has a long way to go to catch one that, apparently, originated in the 1960s, with the widespread advent of luminous watch dials.

Break the glass and place the watch alongside his testicles. The radiation will kill the sperm.

"So, what time did you get pregnant, Marcie?"

Last Night

Last night I carried my anger home from work with me, I wore my mood like a shroud daring all to approach.
Last night my purple nails jarred my eyes, sharp reminders of my temper burning deep inside.
Last night I tended to my body; stripped my nails and soaked my skin.
Last night I emerged cleansed and shaved, body moisturised and soft to the touch.
Last night I sank into bed and wished my anger had been as easy to remove as the polish on my nails.
Last night he found me curled up in the duvet. He pulled me close and attempted to stroke away the pain.
Last night I was not in the mood.
Last night, I wanted to be left to embrace my darkness.
Last night he persisted.
Last night he snaked His tongue along my firmly set lips daring me to respond.
Last night he ran His fingers across my skin searching for my heart and soul.
Last night I melted beneath his tender caress and His loving eyes.
Last night my lips parted and I pushed out my tongue to entwine with his.
Last night his fingers stroked between my ribs pulling the blackness out of me.
Last night he seduced me with gentle words as fingers explored my flesh.
Last night my body betrayed me.
Last night my clitoris ached for his touch.
Last night his fingers wandered quietly across my stomach leaving quivering flesh in their wake.
Last night my pussy reached out to greet him while I tried to hold onto my anger.
Last night my trembling thighs parted beneath his touch.
Last night a spider's web of moisture stood guard protecting my throbbing need.
Last night he breached it with His fingers and fed my parted mouth with nectar of my own making.
Last night my soaking wet lips parted unbidden to reveal my liquid pink core.
Last night he buried His head between my wide spread thighs and sated his thirst.
Last night I was lost the instant His tongue slid between my lips.
Last night he attempted to drink me dry but soon everything was soaked.
Last night every caress of his tongue had me spiralling further out of control.
Last night the darkness of the day exploded into a thousand shards of light as orgasm after orgasm shattered my mind.
Last night every breath was a caress and every caress was unendurable pleasure.
Last night his tongue drove me to exhaustion.
Last night he filled my pussy with His fingers, sucking and fucking me beyond all reason.
Last night he inserted a finger into my arse leaving me filled front and back.
Last night I pleaded for the pleasure to end until I ran out of air.
Last night he was mine. I owned him.

Vintage Clap Poster of the Week

If Nothing Else... it's funny!

Just one of those peculiar little scenes that you find... and watch... and wonder, what the fuck?

The Life of a Librarian

Public masturbator #1: At 2:59 p.m. Sept. 30 in the 34000 block of 1st Way South, police were dispatched to reports of a man masturbating at the Federal Way Public Library. According to the report, the man was viewing pornography on a library computer and masturbating while doing so. The suspect was detained by police without incident.

The question is... what the FUCK was he THINKING???????????????????

There's a reason why many library systems block certain content from private computers, and this is one of them. Because, unlike the accompanying picture, it is NEVER the hot guy with the cute smile and smoldering looks who whips out his tackle and chokes the chicken. It's more likely to be one like this.

Vintage Clap Poster of the Week