Who's Calling?

WHO’S CALLING?
I first published this one online shortly before a Presidential election, and was bombarded with abusive e-mails. It took me ages to figure out why, and I’m still not convinced this was the only reason. But, at a time when the media was dwelling on the growing use of robo-calls to solicit votes for one party (or discourage them for others), a friend did suggest that maybe the fourth verse was just a little too political….

“Who was that on the phone, dear?”
Oh just a wrong number
“You talked for a long time”
Mmmm, yeah
You’ve got to stop calling me
I know he’s suspecting me
But I have to pick up
When you’re there

“Who was that on the phone, dear?”
I was taking a survey
“It sounded a bit personal”
Yeah
Like do I get hot
When I think of your cock?
And am I getting wetter
Down there?

“Who was that on the phone dear?”
Damned telemarketers
“I hope you got rid of them?”
Yeah
I told you I wanted
To suck your cock dry
And the thought made you cum
Then and there

“Who was that on the phone, dear?”
The Republican Party
Wanting you to contribute?
Uh… yeah
Like the juices you drink
When I sit on your face
While your sperm slowly dries
In my hair

“Who was that on the phone dear?”
Who’d you think? It’s my lover
“Oh, you crack me up, you do!”
Yeah
Now I wish you would call
Cos my cell’s on vibrate
And you know where I’ve put it?
Yeah. There.